Why Janet Street-Porter thinks life's too short to be a Size Zero
Famous for her outspoken opinions and, her "unusual" looks and fashion sense - journalist and TV presenter Janet Street-Porter is perhaps the least likely person you'd expect to have written a self-help manual. But now, at the grand old age of 60, she has. In Life's Too F***ing Short her hilarious tips on diet, fashion and men and fascinating insights into her celebrity acquaintances are like a breath of fresh air...
Believe me, I've been there.
I have stayed at health spas many times - where I have given up booze, done yoga and sat through lectures on how to concoct slimming salad dressings. I've detoxed. I've had colonic irrigation. I've sweated in Turkish baths and saunas.
I have had sadistic beauticians wrap me in freezing gel and slather me with boiling volcanic mud in the hope of slenderising my thighs.
I have religiously read every diet printed in the newspapers.
I have starved myself over a weekend - given up tea, coffee, sugar, salt, carbs, wheat and dairy - all at different times and in different combinations.
I have paid out hundreds of pounds to dieticians and nutritionists I've read about in magazines who've ordered me to spend even more money on bottles of special oils and potions.
They've made me put drops of various tinctures in water before every meal.
They've drawn me ludicrous charts itemising foods I could eat and those I should avoid.
They've listed "good" and "bad" fruits and vegetables. All that happened after a month of these complicated regimes was that I farted all the time and became incredibly constipated.
No matter how much weight you crash-diet off - the scales will always start to creep back up again.
The trick is not to let your weight gradually accumulate in the first place, because getting rid of it is increasingly difficult as you get older.
The tough fact is that you cannot fundamentally change your body shape unless you do one of two things: either spend a lot of money on cosmetic surgery (but the truth is that liposuction is a waste of time, as the fat that's been removed will just reappear in a couple of years) or adopt the same mindset as Madonna.
Madonna ruthlessly exercises and watches everything she eats in order to maintain a toned physique and cheat the ageing process.
She's working in the entertainment business - where the rising young stars are in their early 20s.
She's a perfectionist, determined to present the best image at all times. Madge doesn't really do casual. I've met her a few times and we've had dinner - she's highly intelligent, but lacking in humour.
She doesn't really inhabit our world, with mess, food binges and the odd bottle of wine too many.
She's organised, focused, disciplined. That's why she's worth hundreds of millions of dollars and we're not.
But, let's be honest - isn't it a hell of a lot more fun to sit in a bar with a girlfriend downing a bottle of Sauvignon blanc, laughing and joking and eating a steak?
Or would you rather be drinking a bowl of soup and chewing each mouthful of steamed fish 50 times in pursuit of the perfect backside?
Many famous women who are constantly photographed by the paparazzi spend so much time throwing up after eating a few prawns and a dozen wild rocket leaves, they have developed a thick layer of unattractive fur.
They have no body fat after years of dieting and vomiting, and their metabolism is totally messed up.
Madonna is superfit, focused and driven - but is she happy?Their poor wrecked body is growing downy hair in order to try to keep warm.
Believe me, I've sat and dined with these women, I've shared a bottle of wine with them at extremely close quarters.
This is the horrible truth - furry arms. A famous footballer's wife has them. A couple of millionaire models have them. So does a stick-thin television presenter.
Close up - these women's arms are covered in a thick down - it's a real giveaway of the damage they have done to themselves in order to get into a dress that would fit an eight-yearold.
Their heads look too big for their bodies. It is repulsive beyond belief. The key to our relationship with food and its impact on our bodies is moderation and realism about what's achievable.
I have come to the gradual conclusion that the only way to stay at the right (and by that I mean healthy) weight is to eat three times a day, never miss a meal - and eat as slowly as you possibly can.
MY NO-DIET DIET
BREAKFAST: I start every day the same way, by drinking a mug of hot water with a slice of lemon in it. I might even have a couple. Monday to Friday I eat the same breakfast - fruit: a big bowl of strawberries, raspberries, chopped up apples, with a dollop of plain, nofat yogurt.
If my digestive system is sluggish - I mix in a couple of spoonfuls of Dorset Cereals' Super High Fibre Cereal. I drink coffee, no milk, no sugar. In winter I eat porridge - it takes five minutes to make and fills me up until lunch. I make it with no salt, no milk, just water, and sprinkle berries on top to sweeten it.
On Saturday and Sunday I eat a "normal" breakfast - a scrambled egg, mushrooms, a bit of bacon. One piece of toast. It's my reward for the rest of the week's breakfasts.
LUNCH: Salad. If I am out, I buy one or make my own and carry it to work in a plastic box. I like a piece of cold chicken, salmon or smoked trout, green leaves, a bit of oil and vinegar dressing, no bread. Or I have chickpeas or lentils (drained out of a can) and chilli dressing. During the day I drink redbush (rooibos) tea - no milk, no sugar.
DINNER: Red meat no more than two or three times a week, white meat such as chicken more often. Game (pheasant, partridge) is great, too, and grilled fish (remember oily fish is good for you). I eat pasta only once a week. I eat loads of vegetables, especially cabbage and broccoli, beans and peas. I love green vegetables. I try not to eat too much cheese. I hardly eat butter or cream.
That's it folks. I'd like to be a stone lighter, but when you're over 50 dieting can make you look much older. If you're too thin, you get very wrinkly. I'd rather have a roll of flab around my middle than a load of droopy skin on my neck, and that's the stark choice I've had to make. Also cooking and eating make me as happy as having sex - and that's saying something.
Scroll down for more...
No slave to fashion: Janet says its best to stick to wardrobe staples
In my 20s I spent four years writing about fashion for the newspapers - attending all the couture and ready-to-wear shows in Paris and London.
Never again!
That intensive period of being immersed in this lunatic world turned me off it - and, most revealingly, I discovered that many of the people who write about fashion and photograph it have nothing but contempt for ordinary people.
The fashion crowd truly think that next season's colour or heel height is more important than poverty, mortgage rates or teenage drinking.
It's obscene.
The most loyal things (worn over and over again) in my wardrobe are coats. I always laugh when I read fashion editors telling us to forget about coats - jackets are in.
Don't they ever wait for a train in December? Don't they ever have to walk to the shops on a windy day? Don't they ever have to queue outside a cinema?
Unless you have a chauffeur or unlimited taxi account, you'll never manage to get through the winter without a thick coat.
Around 30 years ago, Doug Hayward, the famous tailor who dressed people such as Sean Connery and Michael Caine, made me a beautiful, long, narrow, single-breasted blue cashmere overcoat.
I still wear it - and a couple of other decadesold designer numbers - which is proof that a great coat never really stops being useful.
I never buy cheap coats. I buy a new one in a colour or fabric that I haven't already got every couple of seasons - and only chuck it out when it falls to pieces.
The right clothes should make you feel better - but for most of us, shopping for something to wear is a horrible experience.
Life really is too short to patronise snooty designer boutiques.
A few years ago, I went into a famous boutique off Bond St to buy a dress by Alexander McQueen that I had seen pictured in a magazine.
A stick-thin, snotty woman approached me, and when I said what I was looking for in a size 14, she gave me a pitying look - and said "I'm sorry madam - but we don't sell that size here!"
What planet are these people on? The average woman's dress size is at least a 16.
GET PERSONAL
The best way to shop and avoid ritual humiliation is on the internet or by using a personal shopper in a department store.
In-store personal shoppers don't charge for their services - I use the excellent team at Liberty in London.
They know my size, what I like and don't like - it's always worth spending an hour explaining all this when you first meet.
You can ask them to call you when something has come in that might suit you.
You can phone or email from wherever you are and they are trained to solve your immediate problem - the dress for a wedding, the suit for an important interview.
They don't force you to spend money you haven't got, and they don't bully you.
They are excellent at knowing how to disguise your fat backside, or your non-existent waist.
Every executive woman I know uses a personal shopper. They are far more honest than any of your girlfriends.
Don't be intimidated - every good department store has a personal shopping department and it's there to be used.
Another tip of mine is to ignore what fashion magazines decree as this season's "look".
Instead, try accessorising your existing wardrobe with a small version of it - either by choosing a colour, a hot new fabric, a top, or a pair of opaque or patterned tights.
My basic wardrobe really doesn't change much at all from year to year: jeans (I like men's jeans because I'm tall), big cardigans in bold colours, white or black T-shirts and very few dresses - simply because they're not particularly versatile.
And finally - find yourself a good dressmaker. Look in the small ads in your local paper, and ask everyone you know if they know someone who is good with a sewing machine. A good dressmaker will be able to remake your favourite trousers in new fabrics, take up and take in skirts for a perfect fit - tailor your clothes so they are exactly the way you want them, and usually for a very reasonable price.
Ever since I sewed all my own outfits as a teenager, then made clothes for boutiques when I was a student, I've realised that sewing is not a skill to be sneered at.
I'd be lost without my dressmaker - she even made me a fancy dress costume (I went as a runner bean!) for comedian Matt Lucas's wedding last year.
Don't get me wrong - I still love reading about fashion after all these years. But I will not be a slave to it. Work out what suits you and reflect new trends, but don't invest in them heavily. Nothing will age you more than looking like mutton dressed as lamb.
If you find something that really works for you - buy a couple of them.
• Extracted from LIFE'S TOO F***ING SHORT by Janet Street-Porter, published by Quadrille on January 4 at £12.99. ° Janet Street-Porter 2008. To order a copy (p&p free), call 0845 606 4206.
Lara's comments: a net é uma fonte infindável de conhecimento. fidedigno ou não... eu achei que valeu a pena eu ler e partilhar.
LIFE'S TOO SHORT: TO TRY TO BE A SIZE ZERO
I promise you - diets never work in the long-term.Believe me, I've been there.
I have stayed at health spas many times - where I have given up booze, done yoga and sat through lectures on how to concoct slimming salad dressings. I've detoxed. I've had colonic irrigation. I've sweated in Turkish baths and saunas.
I have had sadistic beauticians wrap me in freezing gel and slather me with boiling volcanic mud in the hope of slenderising my thighs.
I have religiously read every diet printed in the newspapers.
I have starved myself over a weekend - given up tea, coffee, sugar, salt, carbs, wheat and dairy - all at different times and in different combinations.
I have paid out hundreds of pounds to dieticians and nutritionists I've read about in magazines who've ordered me to spend even more money on bottles of special oils and potions.
They've made me put drops of various tinctures in water before every meal.
They've drawn me ludicrous charts itemising foods I could eat and those I should avoid.
They've listed "good" and "bad" fruits and vegetables. All that happened after a month of these complicated regimes was that I farted all the time and became incredibly constipated.
No matter how much weight you crash-diet off - the scales will always start to creep back up again.
The trick is not to let your weight gradually accumulate in the first place, because getting rid of it is increasingly difficult as you get older.
The tough fact is that you cannot fundamentally change your body shape unless you do one of two things: either spend a lot of money on cosmetic surgery (but the truth is that liposuction is a waste of time, as the fat that's been removed will just reappear in a couple of years) or adopt the same mindset as Madonna.
Madonna ruthlessly exercises and watches everything she eats in order to maintain a toned physique and cheat the ageing process.
Read more...
She looks amazing for someone in her late 40s who has had a couple of kids. But do you think that Madonna looks like a woman who is having a lot of fun? No she doesn't. She's working in the entertainment business - where the rising young stars are in their early 20s.
She's a perfectionist, determined to present the best image at all times. Madge doesn't really do casual. I've met her a few times and we've had dinner - she's highly intelligent, but lacking in humour.
She doesn't really inhabit our world, with mess, food binges and the odd bottle of wine too many.
She's organised, focused, disciplined. That's why she's worth hundreds of millions of dollars and we're not.
But, let's be honest - isn't it a hell of a lot more fun to sit in a bar with a girlfriend downing a bottle of Sauvignon blanc, laughing and joking and eating a steak?
Or would you rather be drinking a bowl of soup and chewing each mouthful of steamed fish 50 times in pursuit of the perfect backside?
Many famous women who are constantly photographed by the paparazzi spend so much time throwing up after eating a few prawns and a dozen wild rocket leaves, they have developed a thick layer of unattractive fur.
They have no body fat after years of dieting and vomiting, and their metabolism is totally messed up.
Madonna is superfit, focused and driven - but is she happy?
Believe me, I've sat and dined with these women, I've shared a bottle of wine with them at extremely close quarters.
This is the horrible truth - furry arms. A famous footballer's wife has them. A couple of millionaire models have them. So does a stick-thin television presenter.
Close up - these women's arms are covered in a thick down - it's a real giveaway of the damage they have done to themselves in order to get into a dress that would fit an eight-yearold.
Their heads look too big for their bodies. It is repulsive beyond belief. The key to our relationship with food and its impact on our bodies is moderation and realism about what's achievable.
I have come to the gradual conclusion that the only way to stay at the right (and by that I mean healthy) weight is to eat three times a day, never miss a meal - and eat as slowly as you possibly can.
MY NO-DIET DIET
BREAKFAST: I start every day the same way, by drinking a mug of hot water with a slice of lemon in it. I might even have a couple. Monday to Friday I eat the same breakfast - fruit: a big bowl of strawberries, raspberries, chopped up apples, with a dollop of plain, nofat yogurt.
If my digestive system is sluggish - I mix in a couple of spoonfuls of Dorset Cereals' Super High Fibre Cereal. I drink coffee, no milk, no sugar. In winter I eat porridge - it takes five minutes to make and fills me up until lunch. I make it with no salt, no milk, just water, and sprinkle berries on top to sweeten it.
On Saturday and Sunday I eat a "normal" breakfast - a scrambled egg, mushrooms, a bit of bacon. One piece of toast. It's my reward for the rest of the week's breakfasts.
LUNCH: Salad. If I am out, I buy one or make my own and carry it to work in a plastic box. I like a piece of cold chicken, salmon or smoked trout, green leaves, a bit of oil and vinegar dressing, no bread. Or I have chickpeas or lentils (drained out of a can) and chilli dressing. During the day I drink redbush (rooibos) tea - no milk, no sugar.
DINNER: Red meat no more than two or three times a week, white meat such as chicken more often. Game (pheasant, partridge) is great, too, and grilled fish (remember oily fish is good for you). I eat pasta only once a week. I eat loads of vegetables, especially cabbage and broccoli, beans and peas. I love green vegetables. I try not to eat too much cheese. I hardly eat butter or cream.
That's it folks. I'd like to be a stone lighter, but when you're over 50 dieting can make you look much older. If you're too thin, you get very wrinkly. I'd rather have a roll of flab around my middle than a load of droopy skin on my neck, and that's the stark choice I've had to make. Also cooking and eating make me as happy as having sex - and that's saying something.
Scroll down for more...
No slave to fashion: Janet says its best to stick to wardrobe staples
LIFE'S TOO SHORT: TO BE A SLAVE TO FASHION
What you wear should not be a source of pain, vast expense or misery. The most important thing is to understand what works for you and then stick to it - sod what the fashionistas dictate.In my 20s I spent four years writing about fashion for the newspapers - attending all the couture and ready-to-wear shows in Paris and London.
Never again!
That intensive period of being immersed in this lunatic world turned me off it - and, most revealingly, I discovered that many of the people who write about fashion and photograph it have nothing but contempt for ordinary people.
The fashion crowd truly think that next season's colour or heel height is more important than poverty, mortgage rates or teenage drinking.
It's obscene.
The most loyal things (worn over and over again) in my wardrobe are coats. I always laugh when I read fashion editors telling us to forget about coats - jackets are in.
Don't they ever wait for a train in December? Don't they ever have to walk to the shops on a windy day? Don't they ever have to queue outside a cinema?
Unless you have a chauffeur or unlimited taxi account, you'll never manage to get through the winter without a thick coat.
Around 30 years ago, Doug Hayward, the famous tailor who dressed people such as Sean Connery and Michael Caine, made me a beautiful, long, narrow, single-breasted blue cashmere overcoat.
I still wear it - and a couple of other decadesold designer numbers - which is proof that a great coat never really stops being useful.
I never buy cheap coats. I buy a new one in a colour or fabric that I haven't already got every couple of seasons - and only chuck it out when it falls to pieces.
The right clothes should make you feel better - but for most of us, shopping for something to wear is a horrible experience.
Life really is too short to patronise snooty designer boutiques.
A few years ago, I went into a famous boutique off Bond St to buy a dress by Alexander McQueen that I had seen pictured in a magazine.
A stick-thin, snotty woman approached me, and when I said what I was looking for in a size 14, she gave me a pitying look - and said "I'm sorry madam - but we don't sell that size here!"
What planet are these people on? The average woman's dress size is at least a 16.
GET PERSONAL
The best way to shop and avoid ritual humiliation is on the internet or by using a personal shopper in a department store.
In-store personal shoppers don't charge for their services - I use the excellent team at Liberty in London.
They know my size, what I like and don't like - it's always worth spending an hour explaining all this when you first meet.
You can ask them to call you when something has come in that might suit you.
You can phone or email from wherever you are and they are trained to solve your immediate problem - the dress for a wedding, the suit for an important interview.
They don't force you to spend money you haven't got, and they don't bully you.
They are excellent at knowing how to disguise your fat backside, or your non-existent waist.
Every executive woman I know uses a personal shopper. They are far more honest than any of your girlfriends.
Don't be intimidated - every good department store has a personal shopping department and it's there to be used.
Another tip of mine is to ignore what fashion magazines decree as this season's "look".
Instead, try accessorising your existing wardrobe with a small version of it - either by choosing a colour, a hot new fabric, a top, or a pair of opaque or patterned tights.
My basic wardrobe really doesn't change much at all from year to year: jeans (I like men's jeans because I'm tall), big cardigans in bold colours, white or black T-shirts and very few dresses - simply because they're not particularly versatile.
And finally - find yourself a good dressmaker. Look in the small ads in your local paper, and ask everyone you know if they know someone who is good with a sewing machine. A good dressmaker will be able to remake your favourite trousers in new fabrics, take up and take in skirts for a perfect fit - tailor your clothes so they are exactly the way you want them, and usually for a very reasonable price.
Ever since I sewed all my own outfits as a teenager, then made clothes for boutiques when I was a student, I've realised that sewing is not a skill to be sneered at.
I'd be lost without my dressmaker - she even made me a fancy dress costume (I went as a runner bean!) for comedian Matt Lucas's wedding last year.
Don't get me wrong - I still love reading about fashion after all these years. But I will not be a slave to it. Work out what suits you and reflect new trends, but don't invest in them heavily. Nothing will age you more than looking like mutton dressed as lamb.
If you find something that really works for you - buy a couple of them.
• Extracted from LIFE'S TOO F***ING SHORT by Janet Street-Porter, published by Quadrille on January 4 at £12.99. ° Janet Street-Porter 2008. To order a copy (p&p free), call 0845 606 4206.
Lara's comments: a net é uma fonte infindável de conhecimento. fidedigno ou não... eu achei que valeu a pena eu ler e partilhar.
posted by Lara at 6:52 da manhã
0 comments
